Much to the amusement of my family there have been several times when I have got things muddled up when speaking.  My mouth has got ahead of my brain. The latest muddle was my observation of a television presenter who was coping well with a lisp.  I said she had “a peach in sediment” when I should have said a speech impediment.  My classic was to make a complete mess of “Kentucky fried chicken”

 Always being in a hurry and not concentrating has presented many funny incidents where those around me struggle to understand what I mean. Reading a crossword clue I said we are looking for a four letter word for “Cosmic powder”. My bewildered wife struggled to find an answer. She finally said "do you mean 'Cosmetic powder'?"

I am not the first person with this problem. The Rev Spooner gave his name to Spoonerisms, where we muddle up words.

The way you tell them can be used against you. On my first day at college we were all required to sit an English examination regardless of the fact that many of us had A-level in the subject. I was not surprised to have passed the test. Whilst looking at the posted examination results on the noticeboard a voice behind me said “How come I have failed? I could understand it if I talked like him”. He had a broad Midlands accent and saw my cockney accent as indicative of being “thick”.

Unfortunately much has been been made about how we tell them. Moving to Devon has meant learning a whole new vocabulary. “Proper Job” and “Where do you live to?” are but a couple of examples. 

When I went to my first teaching post in Hackney after being away from the smoke for three years my pupils said “Sir you don’t arf talk posh”.  It was the one and only time my accent has received such comments. Working in academia with a cockney accent has surprised many people. It is not really acceptable for academics to listen to the cockney accent. Needless to say the devil in me has often led me to exaggerate it just to annoy them. On my final day at school my headmaster called me to his office to tell me that despite my examination success I would get nowhere with my accent. The cockney accent has also attracted an image of its users in a bad light. It has prompted perceptions of us being thick, wild boys and probably thieves. We are regarded as being the lowest of the low. Little wonder we have a lifelong chip on both shoulders.

It would a bad day if we all lost our regional accents. The Scottish, Welsh and Irish intonation enlivens the language.

Devon has its own accent that we hope will remain. It is not how we say it but what we say that matters. Ridicule is a cheap shot. I trust readers will keep their own idiosyncratic accents.